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Top 10 Ways To Get People To Stay At Least 6 Feet Away From You:

1. Bust out a t-shirt that says, “Hard Rock Cafe — Wuhan.”

2. As a side job, take up walking Dobermans.

3. Wear a Speedo. Just a Speedo.

4. Get a giant version of one of those stickers that say, ‘Hello, My Name Is…Cluster Starter.’

5. A baseball cap emblazoned with ‘Asymptomatic’ should do the job.

6. Work on your golf swing as you walk down the street. Long irons.

7. Don’t just wear a mask, go full Darth Vader helmet.

8. Be the weird guy with an iguana on your shoulder.

9. Carry a little sign that says, ‘Ask Me About Scientology!’

10. Grow Letterman’s Unabomber beard.

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About The Author
David Meeks
David Meeks
David Meeks has never hesitated to speak truth to power. He’s uncovered shady coal mine operators in Alabama, corrupt politicians in Louisiana and supported single fathers in Florida. When New Orleans flooded after Hurricane Katrina in 2005, Meeks, then Sports Editor of The Times-Picayune, refused an evacuation order. He commandeered a newspaper truck, assembled a team of journalists and won two Pulitzer Prizes. He has worked for the Los Angeles Times, Associated Press, South Florida Sun-Sentinel and was the Managing Editor of USA Today Sports. He is Alabama-born and Michigan-raised, and today lives with his family in Washington, D.C.
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