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If You Cause Someone Great Heartbreak You Can Expect They Won’t Send You A Birthday Card

My Heartbreak And His Secret Girlfriend

Five years ago, I learned that the man I’d love and trusted for twenty years had a secret girlfriend for over a decade.

I kicked him out, changed the locks and got a good therapist. With the support of family and friends, I got on with my life.

A Promise I Kept To Myself

Although I vowed to never set eyes on Mike again — and I’ve kept that promise — we have spoken on the phone. At first, it was because I needed to learn what had actually been going on during the years we’d been together.

In a nutshell? He was a dishonest, unreliable person who pretended to be the kind of man I could love and trust. And I fell for his act. Our post break-up conversations taught me that Mike doesn’t really regret his longtime passionate secret love affair with Maggie.

He just regrets the fact that I found out about it.

Is There Friendship After Heartbreak?


Although I was devastated when we broke up, I hoped that with time we could salvage something of our relationship. Getting back together was out of the question — but could we eventually be friends? The kind of friends who stay in touch and gab on the phone and occasionally go out for coffee?

I’d always loved talking with Mike. I’d thought of our relationship, at heart, as a conversation.

Could that conversation continue?

The Safe Topics For Conversation

It has, sort of. I still speak with Mike on the phone from time to time. We’ve managed to stay in touch. We stick to safe topics. The books we’re reading. Our aches and pains. How much we love our grandchildren. These calls can be fun. He’s a clever man who still makes me laugh. I still enjoy his company.

But the trust is gone and so is the love.

An Honest Conversation That Will Never Happen

To actually become friends, we’d have to have honest conversations about what went wrong, and why. He’d need to show genuine remorse for the way he treated me. And the one thing I’ve learned from talking with Mike over the past five years?

That’s never going to happen.

So Mike and I aren’t friends. We’re just exes who get along. I’ve got a great post-Mike life and I’m a very forgiving person. But when I think of letting bygones be bygones and wishing my ex a happy birthday?

I’m just not feeling it.

So Mike, you can celebrate the day without me. I hope it’s a great day. Everyone deserves happiness and I truly wish you all the best. But if you break someone’s heart? Don’t expect them to send you a birthday card.

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About The Author
Roz Warren
Roz Warren
Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times and has appeared on both the Today Show and Morning Edition. Roz is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library, and the editor of the ground-breaking Womens’ Glib humor collections, including titles like When Cats Talk Back and Men Are From Detroit, Women Are From Paris. She also curates the "Library Laughs" page on Facebook. Her work has been included in 10 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections. Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times and has been featured on both Morning Edition and the Today Show. Visit for more details.
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