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Ferrets Cure COVID! (Thanks, Little Mammals!)

Photo credit: Steve Tsang /unsplash

According to the New York Times, scientists at Columbia University have developed a treatment that blocks coronavirus in the nose and lungs, is inexpensive, and needs no refrigeration.

So far, it only works on ferrets.

But it works really well on them!

According to the NY Times, “it completely protected the ferrets it was tested on!” I am so relieved! Protecting ferrets from getting COVID was one of my top priorities for 2020.

But seriously? If it works on ferrets, it could work on humans. Apparently humans and ferrets catch respiratory diseases through the nose in much the same way. Who knew?

If this COVID-Blocking Ferret-Tested Nasal Spray works on humans, it will definitely be a game-changer. The spray is nontoxic and stable. Just one daily spritz up the nose would act like a vaccine. Life could return to normal! Or as normal as life can be when you begin every day by spraying stuff up your nose. (I’m buying stock in Kleenex ASAP.)

And unlike universal mask wearing, a daily spurt of Anti-COVID Nasal Elixir wouldn’t be a hard sell to the American public. Even the selfish bozos who refused to wear masks, because all that did was potentially save grandma’s life, will probably go for this. After all, it will protect them.

Finally, a COVID-related news story that really gives me hope!

According to Wikipedia, when ferrets are excited they perform something called the “weasel war dance,” which is characterized by “frenzied sideways hops, leaps and bumping into nearby objects,” which, despite its name, is not aggressive but is a joyful invitation to play.”

If ferret research actually leads to a cheap and effective COVID treatment, we can all start weasel dancing!

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About The Author
Roz Warren
Roz Warren
Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times and has appeared on both the Today Show and Morning Edition. Roz is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library, and the editor of the ground-breaking Womens’ Glib humor collections, including titles like When Cats Talk Back and Men Are From Detroit, Women Are From Paris. She also curates the "Library Laughs" page on Facebook. Her work has been included in 10 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections. Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times and has been featured on both Morning Edition and the Today Show. Visit for more details.
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