I Don’t Want To Hold Your Hand

Photo by IJ Portwine on Unsplash

What if the Beatles songs were about the COVID-19 pandemic?

We might have songs like:

Help! I Need Some Toilet Paper!

All You Need is Hand Sanitizer

Can’t Buy Me Lysol Wipes

Eight Zoom Meetings a Week

She’s Leaving Home to Go to The Grocery Store But She’ll Be Wearing a Mask and Gloves So It’s Okay

I Don’t Want to Hold Your Hand

With a Little Social Distancing From My Friends

All Together Now (In One Tiny Apartment and We’re Driving Each Other Nuts)

You’ve Got To Hide Your Chocolate Stash Away (Or I’ll Find It and Eat It All)

I Should Have Known Better Than to Go to the Bank Without Wearing A Mask

The Long and Winding Zoom Meeting

P.S. I Love Being Able To Get Out Of The House To Walk The Dog

Got To Get You Into My Safe Quarantine Space

I’ve Just Seen a Face Wearing a Mask Thank God Because I Totally Don’t Want to Catch This Thing

While My Stock Market Portfolio Gently Plummets

I Saw Her Standing There (But I Had To Maintain an Appropriate Physical Distance So I Couldn’t Talk To Her)

Do You Want to Know A Secret? I Just Had a Zoom Meeting With My Boss and I Wasn’t Wearing Any Pants.

I Don’t Want To Spoil the Party So I’ll Stay Home and Not Infect Anybody

Twist and Cough

Baby You Can Take My Temperature

Antibody Test Me Do

Here Comes the Ventilator

Happiness is a Warm Coronavirus Vaccine. Or a Cold One. Just Somebody Figure Out How to Stop this Thing, Please?

I’m Happy Just To Dance With You Inside Our Tiny Apartment and Patiently Wait For All of This To Be Over

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About The Author

Roz Warren

Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times and has appeared on both the Today Show and Morning Edition. Roz is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library, and the editor of the ground-breaking Womens’ Glib humor collections, including titles like When Cats Talk Back and Men Are From Detroit, Women Are From Paris. She also curates the "Library Laughs" page on Facebook. Her work has been included in 10 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections. Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times and has been featured on both Morning Edition and the Today Show. Visit www.muchrack.com/roz-warren for more details.