Life has it’s up’s and down’s so it’s no surprise when you have a “bad day.” Or a really bad day, or a horribly bad day, or an excruciatingly painful bad day, or an “it’s the end of the world” bad day, etc., (pick your own terrifying adverb or phrase.)
And when you have a “bad day,” do you get any sympathy? Of course not – because everyone you whine to is having a worse day – or had a worse day – or their brother-in-law’s second cousin’s best friend’s dog had a worse day, ad nauseum. None of that helps because while an impartial observer might agree that someone else’s day is worse than yours, your bad day is happening to YOU.
But in those moments of abject misery, take heart that It Really Could Be Worse – a lot worse! Put yourself in the following situations and I’m sure you’ll agree.
Think You’re Having A Bad Day?!
Your prayers have been answered and you’re heading to Hollywood! Woo-Hoo! Fame, Fortune, Glitz, Glamour – it’s a dream come true…
Until you find out your new Hollywood position is stunt double for Wile E. Coyote! OUCH!!
It’s Saturday (no work) and you’ve got a tee time at your favorite course. The sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky, the temp is in the mid seventies, the wind is calm – and there are three “pigeons” to round out your foursome that you plan to win a few bucks from…
Until you check your voice mail and find that Special Agent Smith of the Criminal Investigation Division of the IRS want to see you NOW!!!
It’s off to college and you’re really looking forward to all the “social festivities”…
Until you find your new dorm roommate is Hannibal Lecter – and that he didn’t buy the semester long cafeteria ticket.
It’s a weekend morning and you plan on sleeping in and just lazing around all day…
Until the thumping sounds outside wake you up – and you find police helicopters circling your back yard and a SWAT team assembling in your driveway.
You’re driving to work early in the morning, happily contemplating last night with your dream date…
Until the radio news reports that 37 people have been admitted to ICU with some god awful food poisoning picked up last night from the trendiest restaurant in town – the same restaurant you took your dream date to last night.
You’ve had a few “reversals” lately at the race track and with the NFL bookies, but you’re sure your luck will change…
Until you find that Guido and Nuncio are waiting in the alley to discuss your overdue gambling debts.
Your heart is pounding in your chest as you watch in mesmerized ecstasy as you match every number one by one on the Powerball or Mega Millions drawing! Woo-Hoo!!! In your mind you’re already on your yacht with your pal Michael Jordan and playing golf with Tiger Woods…
Until you notice the date on your ticket is for last week’s drawing.
And speaking of lotteries – you and your ex-wife worked out a number series that you always played based on your birthdays and your anniversary. Then came the “brutal” divorce and you said to hell with it!
But your ex kept playing those numbers and REALLY IS on her yacht with her pal Michael Jordan and playing golf with Tiger Woods.
And on the subject of marriage, you could be married to a Kardashian…
Temporarily at most – sort of like the flavor of the month.
Here’s one word that would definitely make any day worse – Prohibition!
You’ve suffered through a zillion flights crammed back in the cattle car section of airliners, but you accumulate enough air miles and get upgraded to First Class. Living room seats, real china and REAL meals, best wines, all the comforts…
Then you see the cockpit door open in mid flight and the pilot and copilot walk out – wearing parachutes.
And on the subject of air travel – you’re on your way cross country to an interview for your ultimate dream job – big money, big office, big prestige…
But the boarding gate sign is wrong and you find out after takeoff that you are inadvertently on a flight to Borneo.
Speaking of corporate disasters – you’ve got the chance of a lifetime to REALLY move up in the company. You’re picked to give the key note presentation to the “gods” at the top of the corporate pyramid. You open with a carefully crafted, totally politically correct joke. Since the joke is politically correct it obviously isn’t very funny – but everyone in the room is “rolling in the aisles” laughing.
Here’s a hint – time to check the status of your pants’ fly.
Your car breaks down way, way out in the boonies in a town call Nowhere and so small you could drive a golf ball end to end with a pitching wedge…
So you spend three days living in the Bates Roach Motel and dining at a place called Mom’s.
You return from a relaxing vacation to find…
Hazmat trucks lining the street while men in radiation armor break into your “eccentric” neighbor’s house.
You’re extremely proud of your kids achievements but…
All four are in private (expensive) graduate programs simultaneously.
You accidentally run through a red light and end up with only a minor fender bender to both vehicles…
So why are the Secret Service guys so excited?
Despondent and depressed, you decide the only solution is to sell your soul to the Devil…
Your best offer is $37 cash and a “slightly” used 1987 Yugo.
It’s the big day of your huge (expensive) church wedding – the entire town is there for the blessed event. As you walk to the church door in your tuxedo…
You get carpet bombed by a flock of “birdies.” (At least no one has genetically engineered flying cows – Yet!)
The chances of a lifetime materialize before your eyes. A flying saucer lands in your back yard – or you meet Big Foot on a trek through the northwest woods – or you watch Nessie crawl out of the loch…
While your cell phone camera’s battery has been dead for the last two hours.
There’s a pile up on the freeway and you’re late arriving at the office…
Only to find the FBI and news teams from 60 Minutes and The National Enquirer waiting in ambush.
You receive a certified letter from your subdivision’s HOA – – – need I say more?
You parent’s took a tip from Frank Zappa and got creative in naming you…
Dweezil? Moon Unit? Or maybe they emulated Elon Musk – – – “X AE A-XII Musk”
You joined the financial trendy trend and sold all your blue chip stocks you’d stashed away for retirement…
And invested in skyrocketing shares of crypto-currency. (There may be a lot of 85 year old ex-millionaires asking “Do you want fries with that?”)
And consider for a moment…
You could be a terrified dog hiding under the bed on the Fourth of July.
You could be a long time Cubs’ fan (or maybe worse, a current Browns’ fan.)
You could be heading into an active war zone – that is, trying to coach the abysmally dysfunctional Lakers.
And if none of these convince you that it could be worse, just remember that no matter how bad your situation may be, that someone, somewhere is married to your ex.
