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They say, there are no stupid questions. But I’m going to prove them wrong.

Is one “M&M” an “M”?

Intellectuals have debated this question for generations and, despite the evidence of a single “M” being printed on each piece, they have never been able to reach a conclusion. Maybe that’s because the answer melts in their mouth, not in their hand.

Why do they make regular strength aspirin?

Does anyone ever think, “I don’t want to get the extra strength aspirin to relieve this throbbing headache; I want something less effective, even though they both cost about the same.”

When did light bulbs become so confusing?

Between wattage, lumens, CCT and LED, I feel like I need to get an engineering degree before I can buy a new bulb.

How come we accept imitation crab in sushi?

We wouldn’t accept imitation steak or chicken. (Unless you’re a vegan then you accept imitation anything.)  And if it’s not crab, what is it? We know what it isn’t, why won’t they tell us what it is?

What’s the point of taxing unemployment insurance?

The government pays out this money then makes the recipient pay back a percentage of it at tax time. Why not just pay them less in the first place and save all that paperwork? It’s like buying someone dinner but telling them they’d better not eat it all because you want to take home their leftovers.

Why is there a size “zero?”

The only person who should be able to fit into size “zero” clothes is The Invisible Man.

Who follows Q-Tips on Facebook?

It’s hard to believe that anyone would be so lonely as to “friend” a cotton swab on a stick which is best known for sticking in your ears. (Which you’re not even supposed to do.) Yet, they have 299,000 “followers!” Who ARE these people???  

Why does salt always come out of the shaker faster than pepper?

Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I never heard of anyone getting high blood pressure from too much pepper. I spend so much time shaking the pepper out that I usually either give up or get a cramp in my arm.

When did manscaping become a thing?

I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t find out about it until about ten years ago. As a result, I spent my entire single life looking like I stepped out of a ’70s porno movie.

When did saying something is “a thing” become “a thing?”

I recently saw a new TV show set in the 1950s where they said something was “a thing” but I don’t think that was “a thing,” yet.

Why do women love true crime shows?

If the vast majority of serial killers are men, isn’t it ironic that women are the ones who love all those real-life murder shows, like Dateline? One of my wife’s favorite shows is Snapped, which features true stories about women who killed their husbands or lovers. Should I be worried?

Who buys the large size at self-serve soda machines?

If you can get as many free refills as you want, why would anyone pay more for the larger cup? If they’re too fat and lazy to get up and walk over to the machine to get more, maybe they should cut back on the sodas.

If you think your whole family is crazy, what do you think they think of you?

Do you really believe that you’re the only sane one in that bunch?

Does it bother anyone else that Charmin uses cartoon bears in their ads?

Did some advertising genius think this was the answer to the age old question, “Does a bear shit in the woods?” Spoiler Alert — bears don’t wipe their asses!!! 

Why is there no male equivalent for the word “lesbian?”

Why do gay women get to use all the gender neutral words for homosexual that men do, except they also get an exclusive word. How is that fair? Gay men should get their own word, too. Like, “malesexual” or “manbian.” (I’m still working on it.)

Why is there no female equivalent for the word “stud?”

When we call a single man a stud, it’s a compliment that means he has sex with lots of women. But the closest word we have for a woman who has sex with lots of men is “slut.” Women should have a non-derogatory word for being sexually active. Like “ladystud” or “Taylor Swift.” (I’m still working on this one, too.)

Who decides the politically correct names of ethnic groups?

In my lifetime, we have gone from Negro to Black to African American. So who decides these things? Certainly not the NAACP.  Ethnic terms are always evolving, as with Asian-Americans, Native Americans and Latinos. But not the Jews. We don’t want to bother anyone. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine. 

Why do white chocolate chip cookies always have nuts?

I love white chocolate chip cookies, but do you know how rare it is to find them without macadamia nuts? Who decided that? And why do we all have to listen to them? 

Did you know there were over 50 flavors of Oreos?

I love Oreos as much as the next kid but, for my taste, they could have stopped after the Double Stuf. Past flavors include: Big Stuf, Mega Stuf, Candy Corn, Kettle Corn, Berry, Prime Berry Creme, Orange Ice Cream, Peeps, Fireworks, Organic, Android, SpongeBob and the never-popular Mystery Oreos. Will this madness ever end? What’s next? Oregano Oreos? Taffy Oreos? Halvah Oreos? Bourbon Oreos? Wait a minute. That one actually sounds pretty good.

Why do they always say, “Life is short?”

It’s not. Unless you die prematurely. Otherwise, life goes on for a good long time. When I look back, I feel like I’ve lived several different lifetimes already. What they really mean is, life is finite. Although, I’m not even sure if that’s true.

Do you have any Stupid Questions that you’ve always wondered about?

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About The Author:

Richard Basis

Richard Basis

Richard Basis is a self-professed “Late Baby Boomer” who embraces the fact that he’s getting old. He was born and raised in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Richard spent the majority of his career in entertainment advertising as a writer, producer and creative director of TV promos and movie trailers. Now he is a valued member of the Manopause Team, a copywriter and blogger for fun and profit. You can read more of his posts at “If You’re Under 50 (You Have No Idea What I’m Talking About)” @ www.iyu50.com.

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