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The End Of Quarantine: 10 Helpful Tips To Prepare You

When we reach the end of quarantine, there will be lots of good news!  Pretty soon your exhausting schedule of getting up at 10 a.m., eating ice cream straight from the container, and pondering how many days it’s been since you last showered will come to an end.  Now is the time to prepare for your transition back to the “New Normal.” You may be wondering what the “New Normal” will look like.  Media pundits are saying this is a very difficult question.  I’ve given this a great deal of thought.  Here is the answer: Exactly like the “Old Normal.”

Here are the things you need to do to prepare to reenter the “Old Normal.”  (Print this list and tape it to your refrigerator):

Tips For The End Of Quarantine

Number 10:

Stop drinking before noon.  (5 p.m. for you “go-getters”).  I know it’s been a few weeks, and you may have forgotten, but normal people don’t drink during the workday.  I’m sorry.

Number 9:

Set your alarm for 10 a.m.  Then keep setting it back another 15 minutes a day.  You’re not in college.  It’s time to get your a** out of bed before noon.

Number 8: 

With the end of quarantine, please cut back on the time you spend watching cat videos each day to three hours.  Yes, I do know they’re amusing.  Yes, I know this is asking a lot.

Number 7: 

Reduce your number of Facebook posts each day to ten.  I am NOT disagreeing with you. The photographs of EACH AND EVERY one of your meals IS fascinating.  How about this compromise: You can tell your friends what you had for breakfast during your morning break.  (You can even show them pictures of your omelet on your phone.)  They’ll be riveted. 

Number 6:  

Sit down with your cat and explain how much you appreciated his willingness to let you remain in his home during the day.  When you do this, remember that your cat’s expression of complete indifference is his way of telling you he loves you.

Number 5: 

Yell over your belly and down to your toes that you hope to be able to see them again in four to six weeks.

Number 4: 

STOP.  GRAZING.  ALL.  DAY. (Truth be told, this should probably be steps one through ten).

Number 3: 

Reacquaint yourself with a product you may have forgotten.  It’s called “deodorant.” What a difference a spritz makes!

Number 2: 

Brush your teeth.

Number 1: 

Watch a YouTube video explaining how to let out your pants – AND GET TO WORK!  You’ve got A LOT of sewing to do!

I wish you all the best of luck.  I am confident that if you follow these simple steps, you’ll slide smoothly right back into the “Old Normal.”

A note to our Manopause family:

While the end of quarantine gets closer every day, COVID-19 has greatly changed the course of our lives over the last year. Throughout those 12 months, most of us have spent more time on the internet, on FaceTime, on Zoom or whatever your platform, connecting with people virtually. Parts of this have been difficult to adjust to and other parts of it have helped us connect and stay in touch with friends and family we otherwise wouldn’t have as frequently.

While we slowly approach the possible end of quarantine, we want to check in on our Mano Community and see how everyone is doing. Whatever your experience has been throughout the past year, all of us at Manopause.com would love to hear from you in our Community Forum. So join the conversation and our community to share your COVID stories and see what others are saying! Cheers to the hopes of “returning to normal” sooner than later.

About The Author

Jack Edwards

Jack Edwards

Jack Edwards is my pen name. I post my humor columns on my website: Jocularious.com. I describe myself as, “Just like Dave Barry, but sadly, not as funny.” Please consider subscribing. It’s fun, free and family friendly.
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