It used to start at Thanksgiving. Now it’s crept diabolically back to Halloween. Except in some places, (Hobby Lobby I’m looking at you,) it now begins about June 1st. AARGH! The Holiday Season has arrived!
When I was a kid, Christmas got kicked off the first week, or sometimes the second week, of December when the train arrived with the fresh cut Christmas trees. Everyone in town helped unload them – and got a chance to pick out the best. By the way, it was a steam train – it’s been quite a few years. Now, we might as well toss in the towel make Christmas a year round event.
I won’t list the entire litany of “Holiday Annoyances” but near the top of the list are the “Christmas Songs” that are inescapable as they are blasting in every store in town. And if they were traditional songs, it might not be quite as bad, but it’s mostly “new, improved” versions of the old stuff, all sung by “singers?” that add their own “special stylings.” And they repeat the same ones over and over and over. And just as a philosophical question – did we really need a ‘rapped’ version of White Christmas?
OK, confession time, I once did a Christmas album myself (under extreme distress.) The title, “Hell Froze Over,” kind of expresses my sentiments about the venture. At least they were all instrumentals and were OK elevator background music. My four unbroken rules regarding Christmas songs were:
1. No “cute” kid songs, and in particular, absolutely no song ever sung BY a kid.
2. No songs by barber shop quartets harmonizing on odious “songs?” that were out of date before my grandparents were born.
3. No “jazzy scat” renditions of anything, (Frank Sinatra, I’m talking about you and your hideously obnoxious Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jingle Bells!)
4. NO SANTA BABY! After hearing some guy regurgitating it my own stomach was emptied. (This should be a shoot on sight capital offense.)
Since we are apparently condemned to the Hell of hearing the songs for a goodly portion of the year, we should at least make them more appropriate. Here’s a few little ditties to get all you songwriters and musicians, (potential and actual,) busy creating some new holiday joy.
I could only manage a part of this first one, (more regurgitation problems.) Unless you’ve been living in a cave you’ll recognize the song even those it’s only loosely based on the original.
And what could be more Christmas like than Christmas dinner?
Here’s one that’s not a usual Christmas tune, but it’s pretty appropriate. After all, all those countless gifts you are coerced to buy for half the American continent have to be purchased somehow. So –
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow, Amex?
The real purpose of Christmas seems to have devolved to continuous shopping. So here’s a little ditty with music by the Beach Boys just for the lady shoppers.
So maybe these will add a little much needed levity to your Holiday Season.