A Great Marital COVID Caper: Turning A Negative Into A Positive

Marital COVID Scenario

I recently tested negative for COVID and apparently it was a real missed opportunity.

Let me explain. Each January, I serve as master of ceremonies at the American Football Coaches Association convention, which was held remotely in 2021 but in 2022 returned with a highly successful event in San Antonio. 

After three days attending a gathering that included thousands of football coaches and few wearing masks, my wife requested that when I come home, it might be a good idea to quarantine a few days.

As in, somewhere else.

Rules For Re-admittance To My Family Home

I guess I should mention that, when it comes to COVID precautions and worrying about covid in general, if I do not live with the national winner in that department, she is at least a finalist. Consecutive negative tests also would be required for re-admittance to the family residence. 

marital covid

I found a place to stay, tested negative and happily reported to the Mrs. that all was well.

And this, according to my buddy Walt, is where I blew an opportunity for a five-day golf trip.

“You should tell her you tested positive, come to New Orleans and play golf with me for a week,” he said.

Now that’s my kind of recovery, especially from something I don’t have. This immediately struck me as a good idea – there’s no victim here! A little golf while waiting for the virus to clear, “quarantining” on some of the Gulf Coast’s finest courses.

What could go wrong? Well, let’s look at the positives and negatives of a negative-turned-positive covid caper:

PROS

  1. You get to play golf in warm weather. Not only do you get to play, but no one can bother you because you’re ‘sick.’ Even better, everyone feels sorry for you. Thank God you got the vaccines.
  2. We’ve all basically been home for going on two years. Doesn’t everyone benefit from a little time apart? I mean, sure, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but there’s only one way to find out.
  3. As sins go, it’s not a big one. I guarantee you I wouldn’t be the first person to fake a covid diagnosis. Across our country, veteran slackers have identified it as the go-to move for a week off from work.

CONS

  1. She’s going to find out. No matter how much you convince yourself you’ve thought of everything (coughing during phone calls, sending her photos of your photoshopped ‘positive’ test strip, etc.), she will find out. Probably before you get home, you mastermind.
  2. You will never hear the end of her finding out. The pandemic itself will be brief by comparison.
  3. The real issue: jealousy. Let’s be honest. You’re not the only spouse in your marriage that someone wouldn’t mind a few days away from. Say, for example, you use your time away to play golf and she uses hers to go to Vegas with her girlfriends. Be careful what you wish for.

After careful consideration of the cons, especially No. 2, I was glad I just took my tests and came home. 

For a moment there, the bonus road trip seemed like a good idea, and now it’s just a fond memory of something that could have happened. I would’ve played really well, too, like I do on all the golf trips I don’t take.

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About The Author
David Meeks
David Meeks
David Meeks has never hesitated to speak truth to power. He’s uncovered shady coal mine operators in Alabama, corrupt politicians in Louisiana and supported single fathers in Florida. When New Orleans flooded after Hurricane Katrina in 2005, Meeks, then Sports Editor of The Times-Picayune, refused an evacuation order. He commandeered a newspaper truck, assembled a team of journalists and won two Pulitzer Prizes. He has worked for the Los Angeles Times, Associated Press, South Florida Sun-Sentinel and was the Managing Editor of USA Today Sports. He is Alabama-born and Michigan-raised, and today lives with his family in Washington, D.C.
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