My Heartbreak And His Secret Girlfriend
Five years ago, I learned that the man I’d love and trusted for twenty years had a secret girlfriend for over a decade.
I kicked him out, changed the locks and got a good therapist. With the support of family and friends, I got on with my life.
A Promise I Kept To Myself
Although I vowed to never set eyes on Mike again — and I’ve kept that promise — we have spoken on the phone. At first, it was because I needed to learn what had actually been going on during the years we’d been together.
In a nutshell? He was a dishonest, unreliable person who pretended to be the kind of man I could love and trust. And I fell for his act. Our post break-up conversations taught me that Mike doesn’t really regret his longtime passionate secret love affair with Maggie.
He just regrets the fact that I found out about it.
Is There Friendship After Heartbreak?
Although I was devastated when we broke up, I hoped that with time we could salvage something of our relationship. Getting back together was out of the question — but could we eventually be friends? The kind of friends who stay in touch and gab on the phone and occasionally go out for coffee?
I’d always loved talking with Mike. I’d thought of our relationship, at heart, as a conversation.
Could that conversation continue?
The Safe Topics For Conversation
It has, sort of. I still speak with Mike on the phone from time to time. We’ve managed to stay in touch. We stick to safe topics. The books we’re reading. Our aches and pains. How much we love our grandchildren. These calls can be fun. He’s a clever man who still makes me laugh. I still enjoy his company.
But the trust is gone and so is the love.
An Honest Conversation That Will Never Happen
To actually become friends, we’d have to have honest conversations about what went wrong, and why. He’d need to show genuine remorse for the way he treated me. And the one thing I’ve learned from talking with Mike over the past five years?
That’s never going to happen.
So Mike and I aren’t friends. We’re just exes who get along. I’ve got a great post-Mike life and I’m a very forgiving person. But when I think of letting bygones be bygones and wishing my ex a happy birthday?
I’m just not feeling it.
So Mike, you can celebrate the day without me. I hope it’s a great day. Everyone deserves happiness and I truly wish you all the best. But if you break someone’s heart? Don’t expect them to send you a birthday card.
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