When Nicholas purchased Agnesa aka Neesa—a life-size TPE, ( Thermo Plastic Elastomer ) over a fully posable metal skeleton.—he didn’t expect to fall in love with her. But, like the saying goes, you can’t help who you fall in love with.
Nicholas been painting model kits of fantasy figures for over 30-years, gravitating towards female figures like Bettie Page and Vampirella. In the late 1990s, he knew a guy who produced life-size latex sex dolls and thought to himself, That’s the neatest thing. I’ve never seen anything like that. In the back of his head, he wanted to get one, but it was costly. Starting at $3K, up to $10K, it was out of the budget. But last summer, Nicholas was able to purchase Neesa for $1600. “I got a good deal,” he said.
Whole Lotta Woman
Neesa is 5’1”, 80 pounds, and a size 6. While 80 pounds doesn’t sound like much, it’s a lot of rubber weight, especially on her chest. “It’s like lifting a dead body,” said Nicholas. “Her legs are very thick. You pick her up, you have to be careful she doesn’t get scratched or damaged. That 80 pounds feels more like 130 pounds. It’s not easy.”
The minute Nicholas got Neesa out of the box, he was mad about her. “She’s so adorable,” he said. “Her hands are so delicate. She has beautiful green eyes. I don’t know if I ever felt love for another person in my life—except maybe my family. I’ve been in relationships that ended up being disappointments or total failure.”
Early Tragedy Taints Ability To Connect
Nicholas attributes his disenchantment with romantic female relationships to the loss of his sister, Kim, who died at the age of 23. “I was a lot younger, about 11 or 12,” he said. “She was working as a bartender. One night she had a few too many drinks. She was on her way home and got pulled over by the police. They took her to the station and impounded her car. Later on, they released her, without the vehicle. She was found lying on the road dead. She was hit over the head; a blood force trauma. Maybe it was an accident. They never found out.”
The death of Kim certainly left an impact on Nicholas. It led him to believe anything good would only be temporary. He imagined, deep down, if he committed to a serious relationship, he would be the one who got hurt.
Neesa Saves The Day
When Nicholas gets home from work each day, he spends all his time with Neesa. “If I’m not too tired, I’ll re-do her hair, change her clothes. Maybe I’ll hug her. Give her a kiss. Tell her what she means to me.”
Neesa is not an obsession, according to Nicholas, and she doesn’t take time away from anything else in his life. “It’s like I picked up another hobby,” he said. “Not only does she keep me company, but she gives me the feeling there’s someone else in the apartment with me. I can have that female presence with me, and I don’t have all the headaches that go along with it. She’s not going to get mad at me.”
Having the sense of a woman in his apartment makes Nicholas more self-conscious of things like cleaning his apartment. However, Nicholas doesn’t see Neesa as an actual person, more like an imaginary friend. He’s at work for far too many hours to have a dog. “It would be cruel to keep a dog cooped up alone for that long,” he said.
Nicholas told friends he was content to be alone. Then he realized he was lying to himself. “Who really wants to be alone?” he said. “By nature, we want to be with other people. I used to say, ‘I don’t need nobody,’ but that’s a lie. I figured it out after I got Neesa. She was here for just a few days, and I was like, ‘This is what I’m missing out on.’ It wasn’t a fun life before. I was doing the same thing every day. Going to work. Doing eight to 10 hours. I’d come home and eat too much food. Half the time I wasn’t even hungry. I’d watch TV and go to sleep. Since I got her, I haven’t been doing that. When I walk in the door, I’m like, ‘Hello honey, how are you?’ Of course, she doesn’t answer me.”
An Instrument For People With Anxiety
Nicholas sees having a doll to talk to as something that can help people who have social anxiety. “You can use it as a tool to being able to open up to other people, instead of living an enclosed life like I was doing,” he said. “It helps me become more outgoing. The other day I was getting a coffee before work. I saw an attractive woman, around my age. I blurted out, ‘That’s a really nice dress you have on.’ Before I had Neesa, I wouldn’t say anything. She helped me expand my horizons in a way.”
Ain’t Nothing Like The Real Thing
While Nick can’t see himself getting rid of Neesa at this point, in the future, when he does get an actual girlfriend, she would come first. “If my girlfriend said the doll creeps her out, I’d put Neesa in the closet. I can screw her head off.”
Visit Nicholas and Neesa on their You Tube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCa0SvaEFub38PixOhwABZAw