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Reconnecting With Old Friends

It is always good to reconnect with friends that you haven’t seen in 20 years (doesn’t seem that is too long ago anymore, right?) and I always like to make the effort when the opportunity arises to catch up with old friends. That’s why I agreed to a last-minute hangout when Frank sent me a message that he was already in Miami for a day. “You bastard… let’s meet at 8 pm at the local brewery”, I replied.

As we were catching up with our lives, trying to remember the names of our respective family members and the cities we’ve lived in the past decade while we were downing our tasty IPAs, it caught my attention that he more than once spoke kind words of his wife after 17 years of marriage. That is kind of unusual, I thought, since most of my friends are mostly complaining about their wives at this point in their lives!

Bartender, I’ll Have Another

While I was ordering another round, I told the bartender that we were celebrating that this man was happily married to his first wife and not complaining at all. “To you, my friend, and I am very happy to see you happy,” I said, while we were making another toast. He thanked me and after a reflective silence, he told me “do you wanna know what has been one of our secrets for a happy marriage?” And while I was nodding and letting the “sure” roll off my tongue, I was suddenly thinking of a dozen things at once (both successful careers, he was loaded, he was gifted, or maybe she couldn’t talk at all, etc.)

The “Lifestyle”

I didn’t have an answer and when he saw that I was puzzled he said, “believe it or not, it is the Lifestyle”. After he saw my confusion, he smiled and said that is the word that defines the swinger lifestyle. I felt my eyes opening a little more, and with a crooked smile I said, “Are you f***g kidding me?!!”

It was no joke indeed, as he started to regale all the experiences and adventures he has already lived with his wife for the past 8 years. He confessed to me that they have had their share of grief after the 7-year mark of being together and even looked to couples therapy at some point.  He did mention they experienced all of the things my friends and I complain about (monotony, arguing about little things, etc.), but one of the positive things was that they liked to party together.

A Couple That Parties Together…

a couple that parties together

And that´s how their secret identities started (that is another story), attending a party and meeting a very attractive couple. The couple, he said “were very charming, looked very relaxed and outgoing, and even though she was smoking hot, I have to admit that he was very handsome as well.” After sharing some drinks with them, Frank said, he noticed an unusual smile and gleam in his wife while speaking to them, which made her look even prettier.

He noticed that while he was acknowledging his wife’s state he was feeling surprisingly happy and relaxed. Then, the hot wife asked Frank´s wife if they were into the lifestyle (since those two opened up as swingers) and they explained what it was. Frank was amused and sort of delighted to see his wife becoming interested and asking questions about the Lifestyle. Frank’s wife was genuinely aroused but neither she nor the couple made any inappropriate comments or moves at that time. They exchanged numbers and Frank and his wife went back home with a good buzz, finishing that night with some of the best sex Frank could remember.

Post-Sex Pillow Talk

Lying on the bed after sex, Frank asked his wife if that encounter with the handsome couple and their swinger lifestyle had turned her on, to which she replied “yes” without hesitation and said she was really eager to see those two again ASAP. Frank told me that even though he felt very excited too, he was kind of wary of the prospect of potentially opening a huge can of worms. But honestly, at that point, he said, there was nothing to lose and it offered an opportunity to develop something different and new together.

An Introduction To “The Swinger Lifestyle”

Two weeks later, Frank and his wife met that couple again in private and had a great initiation to the Lifestyle. I am afraid to share in this article the details Frank told me about that encounter due to pornographic language restrictions, but man, it sounded wild!

It is indeed interesting to be able to hear all these stories while our set of beliefs and values get confronted with other perspectives of what is (or could be) good for others and us. In this case, I have to be honest that I had mixed feelings and sensations while listening to Frank´s story. I was literally hearing my ‘angel and devil’ on top of my shoulders talking to me at the same time, which made me feel a little confused.

This was not because I understood Frank’s perspective, but I was trying to understand my true feelings about it all. I feel that there is something I may need to reevaluate about my views of the world and see if there is something that I need to adjust to and expand my world, so that I can ultimately live a more relaxed and happier life.

Let me drink about it.

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About The Author
Javier Burga
Javier Burga
Javier Burga, director of Potential & Performance, has an M.S. in Sports Psychology and a B.S. in Business Administration. He is an entrepreneur and has a business background of more than 25 years. He is now fully committed to helping people to improve their performance and wellness. Find more about his practice at www.potentialandperformance.com or check one of his short videos at his YouTube channel Potential & Performance.
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