Twenty Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Read Listicles (Especially Ironic Ones With Click-Baity Titles)

  1. Research has proved that reading Listicles will give you brain cancer.
  2. Actually, that’s not true. I just made it up. But it could be true.
  3. Listicles don’t have to tell the truth.
  4. It’s not as if there’s a Listicle Police that patrols the internet making sure that Listicles don’t contain Bullshit.
  5. In fact, Listicles usually contain a fair amount of bullshit. Everybody knows that.
  6. And yet we find them irresistible. Why?
  7. I have no idea. And finding out would require actual Research. I’m just pulling together a Listicle here. I’m not gonna waste my valuable time on Research. But I do have a theory about why we read Listicles.
  8. We read Listicles because they’re fun.
  9. And these days we need all the fun we can get.
  10. Research has proven that fun is good for you.
  11. Is that actually true? It sounds true. I’d like it to be true. (I even put it in bold!)
  12. But it doesn’t actually have to be true. (See item # 3)
  13. Does that bother you? Get over it. This is a Listicle, not a Deposition.
  14. I haven’t sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I’m just trying to keep you distracted, amused and/or entertained for a minute.
  15. Is that disappointing? Not to mention misleading? Since the title said this was going to be about why you shouldn’t read Listicles and that’s not exactly what this is turning out to be?
  16. Well, you’re still here, aren’t you?
  17. Why are you still here? Ask yourself that.
  18. We only get one life and here you are, wasting the brief time you have on this planet reading another damn Listicle.
  19. Don’t you have anything better to do? Go out and smell the roses? Write a poem? Play with your kids? Hug your Sweetie? Do the dishes? Walk the dog?
  20. No? Well I’m sorry but you can’t stay here. I said 20 items and we’ve reached the end. You’re out. Have a nice day & I’ll see you in the next Listicle!

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About The Author
Roz Warren
Roz Warren
Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times and has appeared on both the Today Show and Morning Edition. Roz is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library, and the editor of the ground-breaking Womens’ Glib humor collections, including titles like When Cats Talk Back and Men Are From Detroit, Women Are From Paris. She also curates the "Library Laughs" page on Facebook. Her work has been included in 10 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections. Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times and has been featured on both Morning Edition and the Today Show. Visit for more details.
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